I've been doing a lot of thinking about her lately... and pretty much part of my wedding is a tribute to her... I have an orange rose in my bouquet because she loves orange roses, my garter that I'm "borrowing" was hers, and the jewelry I'm wearing is stuff she left me. So, I figured, since she's on my mind, I'd let you all know about my grandma. Or at least, her last few years.
My grandma was always great inspiration for me, even when I was little. In August of 2002, she had her annual mammogram done, and the doctors gave her a clean bill of health. Three months later she started having pains, so she went to the doctor, and even though she had a mammogram, they found out then that she had breast cancer- which had spread to her liver and her liver was 60% covered, so surgery was no longer an option.
They gave her the typical "diagnosis": 6 months to live unless she does chemotherapy... Well, she wasn't ready to die, so chemotherapy it was. For five years, she went through the ups and downs of cancer. It eventually spread to her bones, but then she went into remission, only to have it come back. She had a port put in, which is this tube that goes into her chest- it makes it easier for treatment. Unfortunately, the area around the port got infected so it cam back out.
After awhile, it got harder for her to walk, so she bought a walker, and my grandfather fixed their mini-van, so after she got to the point of using a wheelchair, she could still go out and have Sunday brunch, or go to the craft store to pick up more sewing supplies.
All throughout this, she never once gave up. When her hair started to leave, she just went out and bought the prettiest wigs. When her cancer came back, she continued to fight and went back to her treatments. At one point, it looked like the cancer would never win. Until her birthday, September 2007.
Grandma and Grandpa had gone over to my Aunt's house for a birthday brunch thing, and we were meeting them at their house afterward. We had gotten to their house about 3 minutes after they had gotten home, and I remember my grandma hadn't looked too well... she looked... almost... drugged. Her eyes were unfocused and glazed over, and her speech was slurred, not to mention her speech was all gibberish. I feel partly guilty because I had a hunch that she had had a stroke, but my grandfather wanted hospice to come out first before we did anything. To mour stupidity, my grandmother wasn't taken to a hospital for 5 days. Oh, and Hospice had told us that it was most likely a brain tumor.... ugh.
After that, she was pretty much confined to her bed (we had bought her a hospital bed to lie in years ago) and all forms of communication were pretty much blocked. To be honest, the only time she said something clearly was when she was cursing (and according to my mom, grandma hadn't cursed in 25 years, so go figure cursing was the only thing she could say clearly). Her writing was horribly illegible. But she could communicate through her eyes. I know it sounds weird, but after the stroke, her eyes were like a window to her soul. I could tell most of the time she was frustrated that she couldn't effectively communicate.
The doctors stopped treatment on her, due to the stroke, so eventually the cancer came back, and there wasn't anything anyone could do. The last month was hard. That's when she stopped eating. Hospice told us that would be one of the signs to look for, but there was also the fact that she pretty much became paralyzed (She did not move at all really). We managed to sustain her with chocolate milk mixed with an egg. And then after awhile, we had to crush in her pain pills with it, because she just refused to take any oral medication.
The last two days, she was strange. The first of those days, she just stared off into space and didn't recognize anyone. Hospice told us that she could have very well been seeing the spirits of those who have passed on before... Which could make sense. She would just sit there, stare, not acknowledge us, and smile like someone was there. The last day, she was in a self-induced coma. We all knew that it was her last day, so we said our good-byes. And to think, through five years of painful treatments and cancer, it was a stroke that killed her.
I don't get too sad about it too much anymore... I just... remember. She was a brave woman who kept fighting, and I will always admire her spirit. I just know she's up there doing the jitterbug with the love of her life.
I will always miss you Grandma.
Our Cake Topper
My Bouquet... The easiest of them all!
Our Cake Topper
My Bouquet... The easiest of them all!
